Where I am !!

Preface : This particular blog is unlike others ! It is not an idea that I want to portray , its just for the satisfaction of using the keyboard as a medium to type ur mind , that I am writing this note .

To be honest , I feel myself as a person who is running all over , finding the same old fears .. thinking , manipulating , planning ... yet unknown of the present and the future .
Working for a company that is the leader of mobile software development in the world , I should have been satisfied with my achievements so far , should look to continue in this role and lead a hassle-free life .
However , in between all the C++ stuff , the software processes , the designs , the market stats there is something latent which I am unable to decipher .. some idea that forces me to think that this is not where I belong . I have been spending 8-10 hours every day for the past two years and yet , I do not have the feeling of self-achievement . This is my age , my time , my world and yet , what am I doing ? Debugging a part of the code and developing a future mobile application which contributes to less that even 5% to the whole mobile domain ! Who is benefiting ? Am not for sure . Then why stick on with this ?

Career is an interesting word . Its more attractive than a woman to a man . Before a woman , a man might lose his senses and reasoning , but before the "career" , maybe he loses himself . And what is career btw? what is it leading to ? How is it measured ? Is it measured by buying a Mercedes at the age of 35 after not knowing what he/she has done for the past 15 years ? or is it buying a flat in the heart of Bangalore with minimum down-payment ??

The worst part is often we speak the words that I have put in the paragraph above and yet , this career blinds us enough not to make us think what we actually want . Result : we continue in the trade , take up the lead role in the cage .

And yet I or maybe some of you might yet not know what you were born for ? When I used to think and plan for future , it was like 3-4 years of good work experience followed up with a MBA from a reputed university abroad and settlement after that . Alas ! I was optimizing my options among all my confusions !

Things will change from my part . I am indeed pondering about what I want to do and what I am the best at . It will be not be the same again . I will not exchange my walk on the path to my destiny for a lead role in a cage . Hope I reach the conclusion asap.