Where I am !!

Preface : This particular blog is unlike others ! It is not an idea that I want to portray , its just for the satisfaction of using the keyboard as a medium to type ur mind , that I am writing this note .

To be honest , I feel myself as a person who is running all over , finding the same old fears .. thinking , manipulating , planning ... yet unknown of the present and the future .
Working for a company that is the leader of mobile software development in the world , I should have been satisfied with my achievements so far , should look to continue in this role and lead a hassle-free life .
However , in between all the C++ stuff , the software processes , the designs , the market stats there is something latent which I am unable to decipher .. some idea that forces me to think that this is not where I belong . I have been spending 8-10 hours every day for the past two years and yet , I do not have the feeling of self-achievement . This is my age , my time , my world and yet , what am I doing ? Debugging a part of the code and developing a future mobile application which contributes to less that even 5% to the whole mobile domain ! Who is benefiting ? Am not for sure . Then why stick on with this ?

Career is an interesting word . Its more attractive than a woman to a man . Before a woman , a man might lose his senses and reasoning , but before the "career" , maybe he loses himself . And what is career btw? what is it leading to ? How is it measured ? Is it measured by buying a Mercedes at the age of 35 after not knowing what he/she has done for the past 15 years ? or is it buying a flat in the heart of Bangalore with minimum down-payment ??

The worst part is often we speak the words that I have put in the paragraph above and yet , this career blinds us enough not to make us think what we actually want . Result : we continue in the trade , take up the lead role in the cage .

And yet I or maybe some of you might yet not know what you were born for ? When I used to think and plan for future , it was like 3-4 years of good work experience followed up with a MBA from a reputed university abroad and settlement after that . Alas ! I was optimizing my options among all my confusions !

Things will change from my part . I am indeed pondering about what I want to do and what I am the best at . It will be not be the same again . I will not exchange my walk on the path to my destiny for a lead role in a cage . Hope I reach the conclusion asap.

A Love Poem (semi-major influence from a song ) :

Kyun ..
mere dil ki tanhayee
tumhe choonke sharmayee
kya mein tumse keh doon ??

Kyun ..
naye khwabo ke saath
mere aankh huye lehraaye
kya mein tumse keh doon ??

Kyun ..
koi resham resham aag
chere meethi dhoon mein raag
main bigaal jaata hoon
tham jaata hai pal
yun har ek pal

Kyun ..
naya lagta hai akash
kuch karta hoon talash
kya mein tumse keh doon ??

Ohh Kyun ..
mujhe hota hai ehsaas
ke ho tum bilkul paas
kya mein tumse keh doon ??

Kyun ..
tumhe dekhu tou har baar
meri saanson mein sitar
saj ta hai tumhara tun
banke meri dulhan

Kuch din se Kyun ...
yehi aata hai khayal
ki sitaaro ke yeh ishaara
ke har sitaara ho tum

ke tum pehli subah ho meri raaton ki
ke tum pehli wajah ho meri baaton ki
Haan tum pehli kasak ho meri dharkan ki
Haan tum pehli jhalak ho meri deewanepan ki

tum , kaheen shabnam mein khoyee
kaali jaise koi ..
tumhe paa liya maine
aangan tha benishaan
dhoondlaata har nishaan
roshan kiya tumne

tum musafir ho chaand ke
mujhe le chalo baandh ke
tum mere dil ka aks ho
haan woh tum hi ho
main jiski khusboo mein huaa guum

ke tum pehli khushi ho meri waafa ki
ke tum pehli duaa ho meri yaadon ki
Haan tum pehli kasak ho meri dharkan ki
Haan tum pehli jhalak ho meri deewanepan ki



-- from someone "Unconquered" :-)